Passin' time...

As I get older I find myself engaged in conversation with friends about our struggles and hopes for this life. We talk about our concerns for the future, our dreams and our effort just to get through the daily grind. Some of us have strong ideas of what we expect to do, others may not be so clear but still we all wake up and step into our routine of life. I usually end most of those conversations with this, "Well friend, essentially we are all just passing time". We work, we pay bills, we eat, we sleep and try to throw some fun in there from time to time for good measure. This may come across as a nihilistic view. What is it we are headed towards as an ultimate goal? We certainly don't all have the same idea about this and depending on our belief system this will vary greatly from person to person. We all believe we have control over most things in our life and on some level this holds true with the choices we make along the way. No matter where we come from there is one thing that we all share and have no control over, we will all grow old and we will pass on. So what do we do to "pass the time" and what determines the importance of what it is we are doing? I suppose we need a purpose or life can seem very nihilistic...

Here is an excerpt from some writing I did awhile back. It's not and answer to my own struggle with day to day life but it does act as a reminder of one thing that is important to me to get through. Maybe that's our purpose, to find what it takes to keep going along our own path in the most fulfilling and happy way possible. Control what we can and embrace growing older with a little peace of mind.

Purpose

I am not exactly sure the first time I heard the term “existential frustration”; I just knew that it somehow defined an experience at a certain time in my life.  So I looked further into its meaning and it basically came down to “What the hell am I here for?”  As the years passed, I felt as if maybe I do somehow have a purpose in life and I felt less frustrated at times but then inevitably the frustration would creep back up and I would find myself in the same situation, searching for a reason to be. My exploration into different spiritual paths seemed to define or shape the reasons I had to “carry on” or live for the day but they just never seemed enough. There were moments of groundlessness that I would experience and it seemed as if I had become free of attachments to this frustration. These occurred during long trips on my motorcycle traveling across the country and taking in the beautiful land of the Midwest. These temples of nature had a certain draw and calming feeling to me and I felt as if I needed no purpose to be here. I have sat in front of the Red Rocks of Utah’s most breath taking parks, climbed the Rocky Mountains, stared into the canyons of yellow Stone Park, listened to wind whip through the badlands of South Dakota and each time I was removed from myself. No worries, no anxiety, no frustration. I am not sure why these places have such a draw and calming feeling. I suppose there sheer size alone makes me feel insignificant in the scheme of life and detached from the empty idea of “purpose”. Whenever I would arrive at such places across the country, I had nothing to do but sit and stare and take in the landscape that had provided me with this feeling of calm and absence of existential frustration.

 I miss riding the motorcycle but I'm trying to stay busy until I get back on. I was hiking  through the woods today and felt very content just looking at the colors of the trees and listening to the river and I sat and watched the sun dance off the lake. Anything to grab hold of a little peace of mind is a fine way to pass the time...

Friday? Really... See ya, Jim